Human beings (especially women) catch on very, very quickly, and if you do a jackpot every month, shell come to expect her monthly surprise, in which case its not really a surprise any more. Dont let the technique compound the problem. In the Tao of Dating seminar, we explain and demonstrate these techniques extensively until you understand them at a gut level. In the meantime, for an in-depth understanding of behavioral techniques, I recommend Karen Pryors Dont Shoot the Dog. It is an interesting read in its own right and tremendously insightful about human nature.   The four horsemen: recognizing problems before they arise John Gottman, Professor of Psychology at Washington Univeristy, has been studying married couples for 25 years and has come up with a lot of interesting, highly accurate ways of evaluating the health of a relationship. In fact, using a 3-minute video of a couple interacting with each other, he can predict the success or failure of a marriage with over 90% accuracy. What he has found is that there are certain styles of interacting that tend to be harbingers of doom for a relationships. The worst four amongst these he calls 'the four horsemen', since they tend to be apocalyptic in their destructiveness. The four are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. If you engage in these communication styles on occasion, that's okay -- everybody does them to some extent.